Sometime last week someone who was close to me had reached out wanting to restart a friendship. To give you a little background info in regards to our relationship in the past before I dive into my response. Our relationship was pretty rocky for quite a few reasons: different intentions, lack of understanding and engaging conversations, plus she had a boyfriend—nonetheless I stayed, even though I deeply wanted to leave, because I didn’t have the courage to tell her what I wanted and needed. Eventually after a year, she ended things with me.
As I was reading the text and her explanation behind it, I had this tight uncomfortable feeling. Immediately I knew that I wasn’t ready for that. Simply because I haven’t completely forgiven myself, her and the experience (we’ll get to forgiveness in a later article). So, later on we discussed things over the phone and I told her that I don’t want to have a close relationship with her right now and why I felt that way, and that I need to forgive first before we can move forward. And, she apologized, respected and supported my choice, which I truly appreciated.
What I was most proud of about this conversation wasn’t only the understanding and compassion, but the fact that I expressed what I wanted and needed, which was something I rarely did in our relationship, because I was afraid of what might happen.
To continue to honor what I did and to encourage people to do the same, this week’s affirmation is I’m Not Afraid To Ask For What I Want and Need. This means to believe that you matter. To muster up the courage to stand up for yourself and expressing what you want or need somebody to do regardless if they say yes or no. And, if he, she or they says no—make a choice on how you want to respond, which really comes down to staying or leaving.
This could mean asking your partner or the person you’re dating or talking to communicate more. Asking your parents to spend more time with you. Reaching out to a friend letting him or her know that you want to be more a part of their. Or, even asking for a promotion at work. There are so many areas of life this affirmation applies to, but the point is to not be afraid and honor your wants and needs.
Along with this week’s affirmation, my intentions to follow that I also encourage you to practice also are to:
- Know what it is I want and need from someone and why.
- Speak with clarity, love and respect.
- Remember that my wants and needs matter and should be honored.
- Give myself permission to speak and express myself.
Asking for what you want and need can be challenging, especially when you’re not used to doing it. It’s vulnerable and a little frightening, because you don’t know how the other person may respond, but that’s their choice. And, if a person (whether that’s a family member, partner/spouse or employer) cannot and will not honor your wants (at least some of them) and needs, you have the power to choose too.